Due to overwhelming pressure from students, UWS decided late last week that it would immediately begin adding to the number of big dirt piles and soil expanses throughout campus. “Although the current amount of eye-sore dirt areas is high, it could always be higher”, vowed one of Campus Facilities Management’s workers.  “By next semester, we’re hoping that the number of UWS’s dirt piles, dirt holes, dirt walkways and dirt plots will increase threefold.”

“It would be a welcomed relief from the mundane, non-dirt-related everyday activities of college life”, told Stephanie Johnston, a campus official.  “I mean, how else do you play mud volleyball?” she added.

UWS students are ecstatic to see their campus finally provide an aesthetic alternative to green grass.  “Now that we’re going full dirt, I feel like I can fully grasp what it means to be a Yellowjacket”, commented junior Jeff Banks. “Sometimes my friends ask me why there’s so much dirt, and I just tell them ‘there doesn’t have to be a reason, that’s the beauty of it all’.  I just saw a back-hoe behind the YU digging a giant hole yesterday, and I loved it.”

“UWS offers as much soil as some schools with ten times the enrollment; we are very proud of this”, bragged Johnston.  “And the best part is, once you put a whole bunch of dirt in one place, you can’t go back and build something else there, like a parking lot.”