The metaphor on the wall
Broken Psyc. 101 clock symbolic of... everything
a satirical piece by Tyler LaRose
“Is the clock broken because we broke it, or because it wanted to be broken?” pondered one
University of Wisconsin-Superior student last Wednesday. “If we could just figure out why…” he frustratingly added.
For years, Old Main 322 has been a room where many of life’s most profound questions are asked. Now, it seems that a General Psychology course has stumbled upon an issue so astounding that it has even the greatest psychologists—college students—scratching their heads.
In what can only be described as an overt metaphor for the nature of psychology, the classroom’s wall-mounted clock has remained motionless on the wall behind Professor Carroll’s desk since the first day of class.
Professor Carroll’s psychology classes are currently running rigorous tests on the damaged clock to determine its core problems.
The clock may simply need a new AA battery to function properly. Or maybe it takes a AAA. Perhaps it’s a D-cell battery. Or maybe only extensive counseling can save it. The answers are all very unclear.
“I come into this class at 1:00 and leave at 1:50, but that clock reads 11:24 the whole class period,” claimed a Psych 101 student. “I just don’t understand why such a nice clock would decide to shut down like that”.
After numerous sit-down sessions with the clock, members of a 400 level psychology class are beginning to dive deep into the clock’s inner-workings, in an attempt to break it down and extract necessary information.
Their results are vast and relatively inconclusive.
“The clock led me to believe that it grew up in a broken home, without a real father-figure. This clock survived as a child by finding for itself, and we’re finally seeing the repercussions of its years of loneliness and anxiety,” stated another student, who has vowed to commit her entire semester to correcting the clock.
Others took a more Freudian approach.
“I personally believe the clock is broken because of its unresolved issues with its mother,” commented a senior analyst. Adding, “It is in the nature of all wall clocks to subconsciously have intimate feelings toward their mothers, and this can possibly explain why the clock hasn’t been working lately.”
No matter what the true issue behind the broken chronometer is Professor Carroll’s students believe this to be a valuable learning experience.
“We’ve all learned a lot about the delicate psyche of the wall clock these past two weeks. I personally think that what we’ve learned—despite not being able to help this clock—will benefit us all in our future careers as amateur psychologist,” proclaimed a freshman Biology Major.
Alas, for the students of Psych 101, time remains at a stand-still.
University of Wisconsin-Superior student last Wednesday. “If we could just figure out why…” he frustratingly added.
For years, Old Main 322 has been a room where many of life’s most profound questions are asked. Now, it seems that a General Psychology course has stumbled upon an issue so astounding that it has even the greatest psychologists—college students—scratching their heads.
In what can only be described as an overt metaphor for the nature of psychology, the classroom’s wall-mounted clock has remained motionless on the wall behind Professor Carroll’s desk since the first day of class.
Professor Carroll’s psychology classes are currently running rigorous tests on the damaged clock to determine its core problems.
The clock may simply need a new AA battery to function properly. Or maybe it takes a AAA. Perhaps it’s a D-cell battery. Or maybe only extensive counseling can save it. The answers are all very unclear.
“I come into this class at 1:00 and leave at 1:50, but that clock reads 11:24 the whole class period,” claimed a Psych 101 student. “I just don’t understand why such a nice clock would decide to shut down like that”.
After numerous sit-down sessions with the clock, members of a 400 level psychology class are beginning to dive deep into the clock’s inner-workings, in an attempt to break it down and extract necessary information.
Their results are vast and relatively inconclusive.
“The clock led me to believe that it grew up in a broken home, without a real father-figure. This clock survived as a child by finding for itself, and we’re finally seeing the repercussions of its years of loneliness and anxiety,” stated another student, who has vowed to commit her entire semester to correcting the clock.
Others took a more Freudian approach.
“I personally believe the clock is broken because of its unresolved issues with its mother,” commented a senior analyst. Adding, “It is in the nature of all wall clocks to subconsciously have intimate feelings toward their mothers, and this can possibly explain why the clock hasn’t been working lately.”
No matter what the true issue behind the broken chronometer is Professor Carroll’s students believe this to be a valuable learning experience.
“We’ve all learned a lot about the delicate psyche of the wall clock these past two weeks. I personally think that what we’ve learned—despite not being able to help this clock—will benefit us all in our future careers as amateur psychologist,” proclaimed a freshman Biology Major.
Alas, for the students of Psych 101, time remains at a stand-still.
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