No Love For Lefty
Segregated classrooms leave left-handers left-out
Posted 10/11/2010
a satrical piece by Tyler LaRose
In this classroom lefties are blinded by glares the entire class period.
For years, tensions between left-handed students and university policies have been building. The University of Wisconsin - Superior has always claimed to be non-discriminant toward lefties, but skeptics are growing, and tensions have finally boiled over this week.
The typical classroom layout has come under much fire.
“Why is it that all the left-handed desks are shoved against the wall, farthest from the door?” complained a local southpaw, adding “I have to make the left-handed ‘walk of shame’ past the rest of the students, just to get to my desk.”
“Why? Just because I’m left-handed, I have to sit in the corner by myself? That’s not fair,” muttered another frustrated student this past Monday. “It’s sad the way this university treats left-handed people; we have feelings too, you know.”
“The lecture hall in McCaskill makes me feel like I don’t belong here”, lamented another lefty. “Those writing tray things are a nightmare for us. How is a left-hander supposed to function in an environment like this?” he added.
In response to the angry lefties, a classroom spokesperson told Stinger reporters, “All classrooms at UWS are designed to best suit all of its students. We understand that our left-handed students are angry, but we see no need to change our policies at this time.”
Thankfully, sympathy for lefties has grown tremendously, even amongst many right-handed students.
One student stated, “I try and make an effort to put myself in their shoes as often as possible. I sat in a left-handed desk, and I won’t lie, it felt awkward. My friends thought I was weird for doing that, but I gained a whole new respect for left-handed culture that day.”
“Back in my hometown I had a left-handed friend, so I know what they go through on a daily basis,” proudly proclaimed another student, who asked to remain anonymous. Adding, “I feel for those guys.”
Is change on the way? It’s tough to tell. Nevertheless, southpaws at UW-Superior are remaining adamant.
“It’s nearly impossible for me to find a pair of scissors that feel comfortable; can I at least get a desk in the middle of the classroom?” begged a student.
Recent statistics show that as few as ten percent of Americans are left-handed. By this standard, classroom officials argue that a typical classroom with thirty desks should only have three to four “special” desks, and that the usual seven to eight that does exist in most classrooms is “more than enough to satisfy our left-handed students.”
But southpaws say it’s not the thought that counts. They want to see their desks—which are commonly placed in one row in the coldest, darkest corner of the classroom—moved throughout the room.
“Is it really too much to ask for us to be comfortable in a desk and not have to sit in our lefty ghetto? When there’s a fire drill, the right-handed students are always the first ones to leave the room. If that’s not sending a message, I don’t know what is,” protested the final left-handed student that we hadn’t yet interviewed.
The typical classroom layout has come under much fire.
“Why is it that all the left-handed desks are shoved against the wall, farthest from the door?” complained a local southpaw, adding “I have to make the left-handed ‘walk of shame’ past the rest of the students, just to get to my desk.”
“Why? Just because I’m left-handed, I have to sit in the corner by myself? That’s not fair,” muttered another frustrated student this past Monday. “It’s sad the way this university treats left-handed people; we have feelings too, you know.”
“The lecture hall in McCaskill makes me feel like I don’t belong here”, lamented another lefty. “Those writing tray things are a nightmare for us. How is a left-hander supposed to function in an environment like this?” he added.
In response to the angry lefties, a classroom spokesperson told Stinger reporters, “All classrooms at UWS are designed to best suit all of its students. We understand that our left-handed students are angry, but we see no need to change our policies at this time.”
Thankfully, sympathy for lefties has grown tremendously, even amongst many right-handed students.
One student stated, “I try and make an effort to put myself in their shoes as often as possible. I sat in a left-handed desk, and I won’t lie, it felt awkward. My friends thought I was weird for doing that, but I gained a whole new respect for left-handed culture that day.”
“Back in my hometown I had a left-handed friend, so I know what they go through on a daily basis,” proudly proclaimed another student, who asked to remain anonymous. Adding, “I feel for those guys.”
Is change on the way? It’s tough to tell. Nevertheless, southpaws at UW-Superior are remaining adamant.
“It’s nearly impossible for me to find a pair of scissors that feel comfortable; can I at least get a desk in the middle of the classroom?” begged a student.
Recent statistics show that as few as ten percent of Americans are left-handed. By this standard, classroom officials argue that a typical classroom with thirty desks should only have three to four “special” desks, and that the usual seven to eight that does exist in most classrooms is “more than enough to satisfy our left-handed students.”
But southpaws say it’s not the thought that counts. They want to see their desks—which are commonly placed in one row in the coldest, darkest corner of the classroom—moved throughout the room.
“Is it really too much to ask for us to be comfortable in a desk and not have to sit in our lefty ghetto? When there’s a fire drill, the right-handed students are always the first ones to leave the room. If that’s not sending a message, I don’t know what is,” protested the final left-handed student that we hadn’t yet interviewed.
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