Jackass 3D is pretty much exactly what you’d expect. Though I’m trying hard, I can’t seem to come up with more than those nine words to say about it.

There’s a lot of puking, a lot of being hit by things, and a lot of things that will make you grimace and be glad that they didn’t happen to you. I know I’m glad they didn’t happen to me.

So now that I’ve said all I have to say about the movie, I find myself in need of approximately 610 (or so) more words to fill my space for the week.

Since we’re on the subject of Jackass, which is a version of reality – or, based on real people, at least – why don’t we spend some time talking about some other movies based in reality? As an added bonus, I won’t even add any movies to this list that will make you dry heave; I’ll leave that territory entirely to the Jackass folks and their sweat cocktails.

To kick off my list of real movies, I’ll talk about one of my all-time favorite documentaries. In fact, it may be one of my favorite movies of all time regardless of genre.

American Movie is the story of Wisconsin filmmaker Mark Borchardt as he works to finish his horror movie, Coven, in order to raise money for his planned feature, Northwestern.

Simply put, this movie is amazing. Mark Borchardt, Mike Schank, and the rest of Mark’s Coven-coven make fictional characters look pale in comparison. If you could use some inspiration, this midwestern odyssey of B-filmmaking will certainly deliver.

As an added bonus, the movie that serves as the subject for the documentary is included on the DVD as an extra.  

Next on the list are Paradise Lost: The Child Murders and Robin Hood Hills and Paradise Lost 2: Revelations, which document the story of the West Memphis Three (Damian Echols, Jesse Miskelley, and Jason Baldwin) as they are tried for the murder of three young boys.

This choice is not only a stellar night’s entertainment, but also timely; the members of the West Memphis Three are currently fighting for a new trial based on some DNA evidence that has surfaced since they were originally convicted of the crime in the early 1990s. 

If nothing else, this will give you something to talk about in your Criminal Justice class when you want to sound like you’re up on current events.

To bring us back to more lighthearted ground, the next documentary on my list is Best Worst Movie.

If you’ve never watched Troll 2 you should. You should watch it right now. I find myself telling people this often, but they don’t often listen to me. Seriously, go watch it right now.

Best Worst Movie documents the resurgence in popularity that’s occurring with Troll 2, which was originally released in 1990. It follows the cast as they travel to conventions and showings and reminisce about the shenanigans that occurred on set while they were shooting the movie.

Let me just say, folks – I’ve watched a lot of bad movies. In my youth, I was pretty much a less charismatic version of Piggy from Lord of the Flies; as such, I spent much of my time (while I wasn’t heroically battling orcs with a twenty sided die, or staving off an asthma attack, that is) locked away watching the worst horror movies imaginable. I can say with a great deal of certainty that Troll 2 is in the running for the top spot. Watch it and watch the documentary – you won’t regret it.

As long as we’re on the subject of nerdery, it’s just struck me what my last pick for this list has to be. Darkon.

Savor the word for a moment. Say it. Try it out. Darkon. Dar-kon.

Darkon is a documentary about an organization devoted to LARPing. If you’re not familiar, LARP is an acronym for Live Action Role Playing, which is a term used to describe the act of dressing in a cloak and fighting your friends with oversized foam-rubber swords.

Darkon the film covers a span of several LARPing sessions and follows a set group of characters through the trials and tribulations of being a LARP enthusiast. I would go on, but the English language just doesn’t have words glorious enough to describe the act of watching Darkon. You’ll have to see it for yourself.

And now my friends, I’ll take my leave. Next week I’ll be back to talk about Paranormal Activity 2, provided it reaches a theater in our vicinity.

Until then, I’ll be the guy wandering around your neighborhood in wizard robes, carrying a foam-rubber sword. Try not to take it personally if I hit you with a hacky-sack and yell “fireball.” That’s just how I roll while I’m out wizarding.